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 Maer and the boy

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PostSubject: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:40 am

Maer was an old man, where ever walked people looked at him curioustly, he was a sabekian one of the dead civilization. He was a battlemage, a good one. He controlled the elementals he knew ways of arcade. He was a good warrior as well. Armour was like the second skin to him, he carried many weapons with him but the most precious to him was his staff, it was made of pure dragonbone. Maer was a battle hardred man, but never he had felt love, sure few peasant women had found Maer exotic but never had Maer felt anything towards them, once he had the chance to live a different life, but instead he chose the way of an lonely warrior, he was starting to regect this.

once was thinking all this when he met a little boy who was crying.
Maer kneeled next to him asked why is he crying, boy looked scared when saw Maer, but no one can blame him, sabekians are intimating but Maer ment well and offered some bread to this boy wich cheered him up. ''can you help mommy?'' boy asked, Maer nodded and asked whats wrong.
''they are going to take her away'' the boy said and started crying again, Maer offered him more bread and asked whe was ''they''. ''bad men from the east, mommy didn't tell she just told me to run', Maer agreed to look for her. He knew what this was about: slavers from Vedharius. He started to look for boy's mom at the docks, where slavers would take to cargo and set sail with other slaves. Indeed he was right soon he saw men who had people on leashs, These men were armed with Vedharius sabers, nothing that Maer couldn't handle, he casted a bliding spell and ran to free the prisoners and yell at them to run, then he drawed his blade.

He could have just killed the slaver while they were blided but Maer was man of honour he didn't attack men who couldn't fight back, so he waited to spell to wear off. As soon as the slaver releases that the slaves were gone, they attacked Maer, who fought them six against one and still Maer bested them, mostly thanks to his famous magic.

Then he entered their ship it was without any guards, he found it wierd but had other things to worry about. He entered the ships gargo and and started to look for the boys mother, while freeing slaves. Eventually he found the boy's mother, she feeling good and Maer told that her son sent him to save her, she looked very happy. They walked back to meet the boy and when the boy saw his mother he looked that he would die from happiness. As thanks Boy's mother offered him a free place to sleep and free meal but Maer said that he needed to leave, The vedharius would come back for him and that they should be careful too and so, the old goat of Sabeka continued his endless journey. It was just another day for Maer.
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:11 pm

Charming. Like I said before, keep posting stuff. I like reading.

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:14 pm

there is another stories about Maer and since i like him you will hear of him again

but did you like it?
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:19 pm

Yes, I indeed did. ^^

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:24 pm

I was thinking about writing Maer origins story
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:28 pm

Sure, why not?

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:32 pm

only problem is what i don't get much feedback i know there is people reading these but i have wonder what think about it.
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:35 pm

I think for small stories, they have just enough plot. But perhaps describe the conflicts a little more, [blood flying everywhere, etc]. People need suspense.

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:38 pm

thats where my imagenation runs out..
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 7:17 pm

Well, picture it like a movie or something. Show what's happening, don't tell it.

Or, Maer could come up with a scheme of sorts to get around conflicts even though he is a battle hardened warrior.

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:23 pm

nice short story, I agree though needs to be more descriptive.
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:18 am

i could try focus on details on my next story, its just really hard to do in english


Last edited by Fowe on Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:47 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Tue Nov 01, 2011 2:38 am

That's totally understandable. It's fine if you need to take your time to write epic stories as well, we want to read more, but don't feel pressured. ^^

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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:09 pm

writing thease isn't a problem i just wish that people would show a little bit of more support
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PostSubject: Re: Maer and the boy   Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:14 pm

I am no critic, but I did enjoy reading it. For one, I liked how it was an easy read. Not difficult to follow along and enough detail to paint a mental image, but not enough to get drowned in the intricacies.
You might want to add a couple adjective or metaphors/similes here and there. Clever ones make a good impression.
Overall I would say a good story.
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