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Phaethon Rhadamanth
Phaethon Rhadamanth

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 A tale of revenge

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póg mo thóin

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PostSubject: A tale of revenge   A tale of revenge I_icon_minitimeWed Nov 02, 2011 2:39 am

I'm not necessarily new to writing and I don't think i'm very good at it but I like to do it and I feel i'm fairly creative. It's a bit lengthy but please read it and tell me what you think. Negative criticism is welcomed and taken into account although i'd like more positive. Haha. Here we go!

The morning was cool and crisp. A light snow was falling and and the sun was peeking through holes in the dense grey clouded winter sky. Haldor awoke to the sounds of a crackling fire and the smell of burning meat.

"Oh good you are up." said Haldors mother cheerfully. "Have some breakfast and then head out to the forest and help your father."

"Yes mother" Haldor responded reluctantly. With that Haldor ate his breakfast and put on his boots and joined his father in the forest.

"It is about time you got out here Haldor. It is almost mid morning."

"The day is still young father."

"Do not mock me Haldor!" his father said angrily. "Since you failed to join me at sun rise I want you to hunt for tomorrows dinner once we finish here in the field."

"Yes father." replied Haldor. Haldor and his father chopped wood for fire and building in silence. When it was done Haldor helped his father hauled the wood home and put some of it in a little storage shack and took the rest inside.. With that he headed over to his chest and opened it and pulled out his iron bow and an elven dagger. He slid the dagger into his belt, grabbed his bow and a quiver full of arrows and headed out.

As Haldor walked through the forest he felt a sense of calmness. He drew in a deep breath, inhaling the cold air and let out a deep sigh. The sun had disappeared be the clouds and the snowfall had gotten heavier. Haldor walked silently for what seemed like an eternity. He finally made it to a stream and he decided to stop for a quick drink. He sat his bow down and got on his knees. He stuck his face in the icy stream and quickly lifted it out of the water. He wiped the cold water from his face and glanced back into the stream and noticed blood in it. He glanced down stream and was struck with terror at what he saw. A frost troll was devouring an elk only a few hundred yards away. He quietly picked up his bow never taking his eyes off the troll. He slowly stood up and backed away slowly and quietly never letting the troll out of sight. Once he was sure he had made it far enough away he turned and continued his hunt. After a few more minutes of walking he saw a few rabbits. He pulled an arrow out of his quiver and drew back the bow. He released and the arrow soared through the cold, still air. THUD! His arrow missed the mark and hit a tree stump. The rabbits scattered. Disappointed he retrieved his arrow and continued on.

It wasn't long before he stumbled upon yet more wildlife. This time a majestic elk grazing in a small clearing. He cautiously maneuvered closer and closer to the magnificent beast. The elk let out a loud bugle and it sent chills down Haldors spine. A drop of sweat rolled down his face. He drew back the arrow and took in a deep breath. He slowly exhaled and released. The arrow soared through the air in what seemed like slow motion. It penetrated the just behind the right front leg. The elk began to jump and flail around until it finally fell dead. He knew he could not get an animal of that size home alone. So he began the trek home. After a while he was back at the stream. He glanced down stream and noticed the frost troll was gone. He pulled his knife from his belt and proceeded cautiously. Eventually he slid his dagger back in his belt. He pressed onward.

Haldor wasn't in to big of a rush to get back. He stopped and sat down leaning against a tree. He sat there with his eyes closed. An eerie silence fell upon the forest. Not even the tees rustled. It was dead silent and the snow continued to fall. Haldor was becoming a little jumpy and anxious. He pulled his dagger out, stood up and began to walk towards home.

When he reached more familiar area of the forest he heard an earsplitting scream. He recognized it as his mothers. He broke out into a sprint for home. When he got back he noticed the door was kicked in. Haldor proceeded inside with utmost caution. He saw his father dead on the floor, throat slit and missing an arm. It took all of his strength to hold back tears. He heard another muffled scream and crept over towards his parents room. The door was crackdd and he peaked in. She was being raped by a bandit. He kicked open the door and ran in screaming and stabbed the bandit in the upper back with his dagger and the bandit fell dead. He hurried over to his mother and hugged her. Speaking shakily she muttered "We must leave. There are two more." Before they could get out of the room one of the other bandits walked in. Haldor stood in front of his mom and shouted at the bandit cursing him and telling him to get out or he would die. The bandit laughed and pulled a steel claymore from his back. Haldor rushed him and in a flash of steel silence, followed by the cries of Haldors mother. Haldor stood in shock. He felt a sharp pain in his lower stomach. He looked down and saw the claymore sticking through his belly. The bandit pulled it out and Haldor fell to the ground unconscious.

He awoke groggy and in pain. He clambered up the side of his parents bed only to collapse to the floor in tears upon seeing his mother lying on the bed naked and lifeless. He again fell unconscious. When he awoke he was in a small dwelling with a fire in the center and the strong smell of herbs and magika that permeated every inch of the home. A strange man entered the dwelling and Haldor reached for his dagger only to find out it wasn't there.

"Good good. I see you have awakened.", stated the old man. "I feared you were lost. It is not easy reviving someone with such wounds as yours."

"Who are you sorcerer?" Haldor asked boldy.

"I am Goran. I am a sorcerer. I live hear in the wilderness where I am free to practice my magic and alchemy. Here drink this. It will help you recover and heal." Haldor took the potion from the sorcerer. He took a sip.

"This is the most foul tasting thing that has ever touched my lips. Sorcerer! Where is my dagger?"

"Well I guess it's of no harm to me." Goran handed Haldor his dagger. "I must say that is a fine blade you have there. May I ask where you inquired it?"

"My great grandfather found it in an Ayleid ruin in Cyrodiil. It has been a family heirloom and passed down ever since. How did you find me Goran?"

"I was on my way back home when I heard a scream. I naturally went to investigate. When I got to your house I saw that it was on fire. I ran inside and saw who I now know was your father dead on the floor. I quickly searched the rest of the house and upon entering a bed room I saw you lying on the floor and your mother on the bed. I could not detect life in her but in you I could. I ran outside carrying you and put you on a horse and then we rode off swiftly. When we got here you were barely alive. I used my strongest healing spell and put some healing herbs in and on your wound. Now we are here."

"So my mother did not make it?"

"I am afraid not. I still do not know your name."

"My name is Haldor, son of Sigmund the Wise."

"A fine name. What is your age? You don't look to be a man yet."

"I am but sixteen years of age. Am I free to go?"

"You may leave when you please but I would advise waiting a day or two until you regain your strength."

Four years had passed since the sorcerer. Haldor was now twenty years of age and on the hunt for his parents murderers. He had spent the past four years training in the ways of archery and blade. Haldor now found himself living in the city of Falkreath. He had followed information collected over the years that the two bandits that killed his parents were somewhere in the area North of Falkreath. He had discovered that their names were Ansgar and Varg and that they were wanted men for the murders of dozens of other people. He also figured out Varg was the leader.

"Tavern wench! Another ale!" shouted Haldor. It was winter yet again and Haldor found himself in a tavern drinking his gold away. He was waiting for a particular informant to meet him there and deliver him a letter. It wasn't too much longer before a stranger came in and handed him a parchment. He opened it and it read,

"I understand you require my services. I request you meet me in a small cave south west of the city along the border. My fee is 1000 gold no more no less. Meet me in the cave in a days time after receiving this letter."

The next evening Haldor was sitting in a cold, damp cave talking with a hooded man known as "The Hunter."

"I would like you to track down two men for me. They are Ansgar and Varg. Find them and I shall pay you tripple what I give you tonight." With that The Hunter disappeared into the darkness.

Two weeks later Haldor received another parchment that read,

"Meet me in the same cave tonight."

Haldor quickly left Falkreath and headed for the cave. Once there he entered and went to meet The Hunter to see what news he had gathered.

"They are held up in a small abandoned village about a days walk north west of Falkreath. But they weren't alone. There were five other men with them."

"Thank you. As promised, 3000 gold and as a bonus here is the key to my house in Falkreath. I require it no longer." Haldor swiftly left the cave and mounted his horse. He rode for the village. He rode non stop and when the village finally came into sight it dismounted and scouted the area.

He spent the next day watching and waiting for nightfall. Once night came he quietly crept towards the village. He used a detect life spell that Goran had taught him four years ago. He saw that there were indeed another five men but also several women that looked to be slaves. Haldor slowly and quietly moved up onto a roof to better view things. He saw that two men were patrolling the area. He pulled an arrow from his quiver and drew back his bow. He released and a few seconds later his target lay dead on the ground. He pulled another arrow from his quiver and drew his bow back. He released and down went the other patrolling bandit. He saw that two females were in one of the dwellings and he gracefully jumped from the roof and silently ran into the house were they were being held.

"Ssshhhh he whispered. My horse and camp are about a half hour walk south of here. I will meet you there in about an hour and lead you back to Falkreath. Go quietly and cautiously." With that he untied them and they did as he said.

Haldor saw that three of the other targets were in the same house. He would have to figure a way to take them all out quickly and quietly. After a moment of contemplation he went to the house and stood by a window. He glanced in quickly.

"Did you see that?" one of the bandits said. "I swear on Akatoshs' name that I saw someone."

"Well go investigate." another bandit said. "Actually I'll come with you. I have to take a piss." They all laughed and two of the bandits went outside. "Well go take a look." said the bandit while he began to piss. So the bandit walked around the corner and heard a thud. He went back around the corner to see what the noise was and discovered the dead bandit, but before he could sound the alarm he had an arrow through his neck. Haldor then walked in the house arrow drawn back and released. The arrow went right into the third bandits head and he fell to the ground dead.

"Five down two to go." Haldor whispered to himself. He looked into the last dwelling only to see six people. He picked the lock on the door and moved quietly inside. He immediately found and released two more female slaves and told them what he told the other girls. He then proceeded into the room with only one person in it. It was Ansgar and he was sleeping but awoke when he heard the door open.

"Remember me?" Haldor asked. Before Ansgar had time to react Haldor slit his throat and smiled. Haldor now moved on to the room Varg was in. Before going in he thought of exactly what he was going to say and do. After a moment Haldor kicked in the door and saw that Varg was raping one of the girls. Varg, startled fell back and picked up his claymore.

"Who the hell are you?" shouted Varg. "Ansgar! Guards!"

"Don't waste your breath you murderous pig. Do you remember me you bastard? You killed my parents and you stabbed me."

"Wait I remem..."

"That's right! It's all coming back now isn't it. You should have made sure I was dead. Not doing so is the worst mistake you have ever made. Now I hope your ready to rot in the wastes of Oblivion pig!"

Haldor charged towards Varg. Varg swung his claymore but Haldor ducked under it and sliced behind Vargs knees. Varg fell to the ground screaming.

"Stop stop! Please! Don't kill me! I'm sorry! I'll do anything just please spare me!"

"I bet you would like that Varg. But that is not going to happen."

Haldor stuck his dagger into Vargs neck and began to saw and slash until his head rolled off onto the floor. Haldor then grabbed the head and the claymore and went outside. He stuck the claymore in the ground and Vargs head on the claymore.

"Mother, father I have avenged your deaths. Arkay bless you."

The two remaining women walked out of the house and thanked Haldor for saving them and told them that they had been kidnapped and kept as sex slaves. Haldor told them of the other girls and told them to head back to Falkreath a days travel south of where the were. They thanked him again and went on their way. It was now morning. The air was cool and crisp. A light snow began to fall and the sun poked through holes in the dense grey clouded winter sky. Haldor laid down on the frozen ground and drew in a deep breath and exhaled a sigh of relief. His journey was now complete.

I hope you enjoyed this short story. I'm not the best writer. CRITICISM WELCOMED! Sorry for the length. I ask that no one rewrite this or publish it as their own work. Again thanks fro reading and I hope you enjoyed. Leave a comment!

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PostSubject: Re: A tale of revenge   A tale of revenge I_icon_minitimeThu Nov 03, 2011 9:22 pm

I really liked that. There were a few spelling errors, some missing words, one instance where the second use of the word 'sorcerer' was redundant, and how he knew that the guy was a sorcerer was not explained.

However those are small tidbits in an otherwise great story. I wanna see more. Very Happy


11-11-11 A date that shall live in fame for all time! Very Happy

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póg mo thóin

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PostSubject: Re: A tale of revenge   A tale of revenge I_icon_minitimeThu Nov 03, 2011 11:28 pm

Thanks wolfar! Yeah I didn't preview it. I should have. Well thanks for the kind words! If I get enough comments I may continue his tale. So spread the word wolfar15!
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